Yesterday I went to run.
First of all, I don’t run. Secondly, I don’t like running. Bud I did for 10 minutes straight. I guess I did it as a way to mentally escape and also remind myself I am still free.
I went to the park. I did as we all do, put my headphones on, Jessie J at max volume and hit it. I stopped at least 5 times, my heart racing like crazy. Started sweating, got red and finally ended by walking.
I then decided to go barefoot on the grass. I found a tree and sat down. And I sat there and watched. I sat there, under this tree and asked myself 2 questions :
When did I forget where I left from ?
When did I forget to trust ?
I’ll start with the first one. When I say ‘’Where I left from’’, I am not talking about my country, my family, my upbringing or education that somehow should humble me. I am not talking about remembering to be modest or feel small.
When I say ‘When did I forget where I left from’’, I am talking about me running barefoot on the rocky and sandy road in front my house. About me smelling the flowers on my house’s upfront hill, rolling in the grass when I could still see and feel the fresh dew touching my face. About me running after Dumana, my cow, the most rebel cow I ever knew (she reminded me of myself a little). About me singing in the forest, where nobody beside the echo could hear me. About me, getting stung by the bees and crying my heart out or stung by the rose stems in the front yard. About me sitting under my apple tree and contemplating the village and coloured houses.
When did I forget this connection I have with Gaia, our mother earth?
When did I forget how peaceful I felt whenever I could be out there?
And mostly, when did I forget mother earth will receive me back when I die? When did I forget that there must be death in order to be life, that I am a part of this natural cycle and one day, I will however die?
When I did forget, fear started to cripple in. The biggest was to lose control. If I lost control it meant I couldn’t hold on to every aspect of my life. What a waste of time and energy for me! How could I think I could lose control when actually I did not have it in the first place.
And when I let fear in I forgot to trust.
To trust I had a purpose in this life. To trust that God, the Universe, Spirit, Gaia, mother earth had something for me way more important than fear. Had and has MY BACK. No matter what! It has my back because God, the Universe, Spirit, Gaia, mother earth, does not punish, does not harm. I forgot to trust when my ego became so big that it did not allow my connection to continue and flourish.
As I stood there on the grass, all that I could feel was me, going back to my safety space, into the nature. I realized that for so long I wanted to escape the life I lived before, that my only focus was only on escaping instead of letting go, surrendering, embracing.
For so long I wanted to stop being the ‘’country side girl’’ but I feel nature is calling my spirit again and again. And even if you, my dear friend, you’re not born in the countryside, even if living in a flat in the middle of the town for the last years has been your life, remember your ancestors did. Remember you have the connection in your blood, in your body. Remember this precious and high connection you have with the earth, with the nature. Remember, someone there has your back, remember where you left from! Remember to trust!
When did you forget, my dear friend? When did your remember?