Some weeks ago I read a comment made in a Romanian Facebook Group, by a young lady who was addressing to another young lady. The main topic was hearing and healing the inner child. As I was reading the replies, one of them (that sounded like ‘’Some of us just haven’t grown up and insist on remaining children…’’), became particularly interesting to me from 2 aspects.
The first one was the fact it was so familiar to me to hear it and the second, so sad to realize the background I am coming from shows that we are somehow not allowed to even recognise we still carry this child within us. Because YES, THE INNER CHILD, THE YOUNGER PART of us IS STILL THERE, IN OUR ADULT LIFE.
Some like to symbolize it through spontaneity, others through deep sensitivity. My personal preference is to literally visualise a smaller version of me being in my chest area. Whatever form you wish to give it, IT IS STILL THERE.
No matter how we think or consciously remember our childhood was, no matter if we had a happy childhood, or normal, or full of wounds that left scars, we are still getting hurt and we have to accept this fact. Our parents might be the best, but unfortunately we live in society and we feel some of the negative impacts during childhood (bullying, body image, not feeling safe within a group, etcetera).
Between the age of 0 and 7, we live mostly in our subconscious part of the brain, on automatic pilot and we download a programming that will serve us for the rest of our lives. If the feelings and needs of safety, unconditional love, being seen and heard, were not met, especially during this period, we carry them on in our adult life and unhealed inner child.
We can choose to carry on blindly and be conducted by this programming OR we can choose to change those beliefs and self-nurture. We become the parent of our inner child and we can learn to provide the unmet needs.
The simplest way is to stop for a few minutes, take a deep breath in and ask ourselves ‘’What do I need right now ?’’. Like, ‘’What do I REALLY NEED RIGHT NOW ?’’.
And the answer will come. No need to overthink it. It might be, I need MORE REST, or MORE JOY, or a WALK IN THE PARK, or 5 MINUTES IN THE SUN, TALK to someone I trust, LISTEN to myself, SOME MOMENTS just MYSELF and I. You know you’re in the right direction as these answers will be related to the feelings and émotions rather than physical needs. (I want chocolate or cake or ice cream).
For some people, going back to childhood seems the scariest thing to do and for others, is a period that does not need to be considered.
IT TAKES COURAGE and SELF RESPONSIBILITY to go back and start questioning. IT IS NOT EASY but IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE either. Baby steps, just like when we arrived into this world. Being our own parent can be one of the most satisfying things to do, especially when we know what are the things we crave the most.
This photo is my forst official one. I was about 5 and I can still remember the photographer's face. I think it was a moment to remember as I felt like a star on my living rom's couch.
What's your earliest memory as a child and what feelings do you carry around it?