For many years I could feel it there, arising from my stomach, getting up in my chest, in my throat, in my head. I could feel my fists closed and my arms and feet tremble. It wanted to go out so badly but I kept it inside so thoroughly, just like a bullfighter does with its bull. This feeling was called anger and it was rather the bull that kept control of the bullfighter.
From the age 2 until the age of 4 I was placed into an orphanage. The social services took me from my mother’s home to provide ‘’better’’ care. I was skinny, shaved and hungry for love and attention. (Just like all the other kids there). I felt abandoned and most of it, I felt angry. Showing that I was angry was the only thing that helped not being beaten all the time. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not. Everyone who lived in Romania during the communist period can imagine the ‘’on-field’’ situation in orphanages. The irony of life is that the girl that bullied me every single day and beaten me whenever she felt like was named ‘’ Ceausescu’’, just like our dictator at that time.
This feeling of anger followed me throughout my life and burst out every time I felt vulnerable and powerless. At that time I did not know how to explain it or put the right words on it. I just knew it was there and made part of me, just like a defense mechanism that helped me survive at the beginning of my life and followed me for the rest.
Once I started working on myself and went back to its origin I understood what it was doing for me, more damage than help. Once I understood that, I could more easily accept it and letting it go. Since then, I rise my fist in sign of victory and acceptance.
We all get angry at certain points in our life. We might be aware of the exact reason or we might not.
When was the last time you got angry my dear ? Do you know the root reason for that ?
Share your thoughts and knowledge with me and other friends in the comment section below.
Or even more, let's talk about it! I would love to hear your feelings about this! For my contact details click here.
Until next time, take care of you!
